Fears Are the Fuel That Ignites My Hopes and Dreams

My hopes, fears, and dreams have always been a huge part of my identity. The day I was born, my dad told everyone how beautiful and perfect I was born before we even left the hospital. Pressure's been on since day one. Over the years I have had to expand my mind with confidence and make sure I fight for the goals I want to achieve even when I fail a time or two. I was raised on the belief that I must strive for greatness in everything and never be afraid to fail. Seeing my parents accomplish so many milestones over the years, it really has taught me how to set goals and accomplish them even if I'm not successful the first time. It's amazing watching them accomplish so much over the years, such as paying off a house mortgage early, having a successful marriage for 39 years, navigating how to raise five children, and being amazing grandparents. My mom's famous quote has always been "You've got to risk it to get the biscuit." To me, it means without risk, there is no reward.

When I think of my fears, hopes, and dreams, they fit together like a puzzle. Without failures and the fear of failing, I might not have taken the steps to create the confidence I needed to push towards my hopes and dreams. Supportive parents, education planning, and dedication still won't prepare you for the way that life will go. Even with the amazing support from my parents growing up and the opportunity to play sports in college, I still failed my first three semesters of college. This academic setting was something I wasn't prepared for mentally or educationally at the time. In my college classes I had a challenging time retaining information and felt confused sitting in the classroom listening to a professor. I knew in my heart I wasn't stupid, but I definitely felt that way. At 19 years old I had not obtained one college credit and had accumulated $20,000 in debt. My skills felt inadequate in a college setting, and I quickly understood that this financial move would haunt me for years to come. I Defeated with disappointment that I failed even though my parents have prepared me for this opportunity my entire life. Failing that many classes and accruing that much debt in a short amount of time could really create a fear that might stop someone from ever wanting to go back to school. After failing and dropping out of college, I focused more on obtaining some smaller goals. I felt some accomplishments on paper would help with the confidence I needed to return to school. I also did not want to go into my next college setting without paying out of pocket; the loan process can really get you in some severe debt.

Starting College in my forties was not my plan. I believe the education experience I've obtained over the years will help me achieve my goals a little better this time. Since dropping out of college, I have obtained my hours of completion and state licenses in cosmetology and real estate. I have two successful real estate businesses, and I own a commercial building in my hometown that is rented out. I have also successfully homeschooled my two older children through high school, and they have both graduated. Some of these accomplishments and achievements had helped me build confidence back up to return to school and obtain a degree. I am still afraid to fail, but I like to think of this fear as a more calculated feeling. Fear is worse when you do not expect or know what is coming. Through continuing my education, studying different subjects over the years, and preparing myself mentally, these steps will help me ease that fear. No matter what age, I will never give up on my hopes and dreams.